Disneyed!
by BaronCat40
Summary: Since Starwars was not-so-recently bought out by Disney, I decided to do this as a tribute to the originals before Disney makes its new movie(s). This is how Disney would have botched up the originals if they made them.
1. Chapter 1

Disneyed!

We all know that Disney now owns Starwars. So, as a tribute to the originals before Disney messes them up, this is a parody of them if Disney had made them originally. I do not own Starwars or Disney.

IV 1 :A new song

The Rebel soldiers crouched down with grim looks on their faces. All, except, for one. "Wait! We can't kill them! We have to let them in! Otherwise we might not get a G rating!" Everyone else in the room groaned. Ratings aside, that particular soldier had always been a pain in the neck.

"Sure, why don't you open it?"

Said soldier was also particularly stupid. "Sure!" The idiot then ran to the door and opened it, and was shot by the stormtroopers who did not care about ratings.

Later…

Princess Lea was brought to Vader. Of course, since most Disney movies are musicals, it only seems right that they sing a song together. Vader, however, had other ideas.

"Darth Vader, only you could be so…so… What's an insult that I can use that isn't really an insult?"

Vader smacked his forehead and left a large dent in his helmet. He then began to sing:

_I'm Mister Darth Vader, I'm mister black._

_I'm Mister dead trooper, I'm mister temperamental. _

_Friends call me Anakin, whatever I touch, _

_Starts to choke in my clutch. _

_I'm too much. _

_Various tiny officers entered (because mini Vaders in various states of nudity would simply be disturbing): _

_He's Mister Darth Vader, he's mister black.. _

_He's mister dead trooper, he's mister temperamental. _

_Friends call me Anakin, whatever I touch, _

_Starts to choke in my clutch._

_I'm too much. _

"And now, Princess, we will take you onto our hopefully scary but not too scary very big ship."

"Wait! I have to sing, Anakin!"

"That name no-longer means anything to me! Heck, if you are Obi-Wan, it probably never meant anything to me! Except to do the opposite of what he tells me to do. "


	2. Chapter 2

Two droids landed on a giant desert. Of course, they could not argue, so they started singing. However delightful you may find Binary singing, we decided to remove that part for the sake of our readers.

O*O*O

"Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my faintest hope. Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my faintest me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my faintest me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my faintest me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my faintest hope." Artoo seemed to have gotten stuck on repeat. Luke smashed his dome it, wondering who this "Obi-Wan Kenobi" could be (He did not see the giant, neon sign outside the garage that said "Ben Kenobi is Obi-Wan! Kill the Emperor"). Likewise, "Ben" Kenobi did not see the 14 million stormtroopers outside his hut, but fortuntatly accidentally scared them off by accidentally beheading some when he went out to practice with his lightsaber.

O*O*O

After Luke had almost died, he saw his savoir. He wore a dark, black, hood, and carried a dangerous looking green blade. He was also blue and transparent. He looked at the person he saved. "You're not Obi-Wan!" He then started to move his blade twords Luke's neck, then another person appeared.

"Qui-Gon! Stop attacking that fellow! How many times have I told you that no matter how much you hated the now-mostly-dead Jedi Council, the best way to seek revenge is not by following the ways of the Sith with your ghost?" He then turned towords Luke. "Sorry, that's Qui-Gon, my old Master. He gets a little bit rough with strangers, but he's really quite nice, if eccentric, once you get to know him." Poor Luke was very confused.

When they got back to the hut, Luke convinced Artoo to play the message.

"Years ago you killed my father's father's brother's counsin's son in the Clone Wars. Did you know that I am related to driod BD#19364832648247284872947229? Anyway, I need you to go and get an astriod of exactly 7.47279389204204204843922992923 decigrams, then transport it to Alderraan. After you have done that, you must land the center of that astriod at exacltly 3.141592653589N, 1.414213562373W. Once you have done that, you must dance on top of the exact center of the astriod for 12345678912345678912345678912345678912456789 seconds, then jump up 20 feet in the air and shoot of a green firework with exactly 5738258382884 grains of explosives in it. When you have done that, my planet will be saved. Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you are my faintest hope.

Luke looked unsure of wheter or not to laugh, while Obi-Wan was rendered speachless and looked utterly astounded. Qui-Gon, on the other hand, kept a perfectly straight face and said, "If that will save her planet that that is what you must do, Obi-Wan."

O*O*O

At the spaceport...

"What do you mean we have to 'go and get an astriod of exactly 7.47279389204204204843922992923 decigrams, then transport it to Alderraan. After you have done that, you must land the center of that astriod at exacltly 3.141592653589N, 1.414213562373W. Once you have done that, you must dance on top of the exact center of the astriod for 12345678912345678912345678912345678912456789 seconds, then jump up 20 feet in the air and shoot of a green firework with exactly 5738258382884 grains of explosives in it'? That makes absolutly no sense at all? How the heck is that going to save a planet?"

"That is what she told us to do, and so that is what we must do. I'll give you pi."

"Pie! Okay!"

O*O^O*O^O*O^O*O^O*O^O*O

Luke Skywalker was upset. Very upset. Besides have your house burned down and your Aunt and Uncle killed by weird guys dressed in white, there was this idiot hermit guy sitting next to him who seemed to think he was allowed to force a poor 20-year-old "boy" onto a ship just because he save his life. And, on top of that, said hermit could never remember his (Luke's) name, or that he told Luke his name. Talking with him was VERY redundant, kind of like Java code.

"What's your name again, sunny? Did I tell you that my name was Ben?"

"My name is Luke, Ben. And yes, for the 33734429572957523857923870987978748649683747th time, you have."

"I have felt a great disturbance in the fuzz, as if millions of voices cried out and were silenced."

"That was probably just Chewie vacuuming the carpet," the co-pilot in question was currently vacuuming under Han's chair, accendently catching his head with the hose, "OWWWW! Watch where that thing goes!"

"Oh! Is he chewy?" Luke's stupidity was only rivled by his idiocy.

"beep boo beep beep." Translation: 110010101010000111101010101011001111100010110010000. Enlgish: You idiots! That was a giant battle station blowing up a planet! And it's the Force, not the fuzz!"

"I don't think I can translate that, Artoo. That has a bad word in it."

"boo boo beep beep beep boo boo beep." Translation: 111111111111111000101010110000000010101101010101010110101. Translation to English failed due to frenzied swearing.

"How dare you say that to me, you insolent scrap heap!"

*0*0*0*

After the wonderfully NON G RATED planet go bye-bye scene…

Hey! There's the astriod that we need!

"That astriod happens to be part of the planet we were supposed to deliver it too. Hey! Shiny moon-like thing! Lets go land on it!"

**That's it for now. This has been severly edited. **


	3. Chapter 3

**If you have not gone back and read the second chapter again, you might want to because I added a lot of stuff to make this make sense. **

After grabbing that all important asteroid, a ship full of idiots approached the Death Star, or, as they put it, shiny moon thing. They missed the hanger entrance.

O*O*O

After grabbing that all-important asteroid from the exploded ship that missed the hanger bay, the ship full of not-idiots (for the most part, though we are tempted to make an exception for Luke) actually made it into the hanger bay.

"Oops. Not good. This is the wrong hanger bay. Artoo, get us out of here! Everything's overheated!" Luke was obviously day-dreaming again.

"Did you know that your not-father-but-really-is-your-father said that in a hanger bay of an enemy ship too? He even managed to blow it up! Now how do I know that again? I think Han told me."

"How am I supposed to tell you something that I don't know? Put your brain back in!"

"Hey guys! I found a random person in a cell. Should we rescue them?"

They all went off to rescue a random person, except for Ben, who went to investigate the new invention of the TV.

O*O*O


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to DarylDixon'sgirl1985 for reviewing!**

As Ben went off to investigate TV, he found himself entranced by a lever. The lever in question was on a giant pole and was accessible only by a narrow catwalk. As Ben inched his way towards the lever, he heard an alarm go off. Blaster fire could also be heard above the lever. Ben was too entranced by the lever to wonder what was happening.

While Ben worked on the lever, Luke and Han were busy getting shot at.

"Brilliant idea, Luke! Just go running off into the detention level to rescue someone we don't even know! Absolutely brilliant! Couldn't of done better myself!"

Chewbacca roared his agreement. Luke ignored the pair and focused on pounding the cell door. If they were going through all this trouble to rescue a princess, she could at least unlock her door! Luke was suddenly pushed aside by a massive arm as a blaster bolt hit the latch on the door, which hissed open.

"Thanks for unlocking the door!" Han somehow managed to knee Luke in the nose for his stupid comment as they tumbled into the cell.

"Who the heck are you?"

"I'm Luke Skywalker, and I'm here to rescue you!"

"Rescue me! I'm safer in here than out there, even with this flimsy paper floor!" They all looked at the floor, which was indeed made of paper.

"You're highness! We insist! We'll drag you out the garbage chute if necessary!"

This turned out to not be necessary, as Chewbacca kicked a hole in the floor. They all fell through. Storm troopers soon rushed in and looked down the hole.

"We've got to follow them."

"Are you kidding? I'm not following those idiots. They've probably already asked Lord Vader for directions to the nearest escape pod!"

Ben was just finishing pulling the lever as the group of idiots landed on top of him. As they untangled themselves, Luke noticed that something was not quite right. Ben seemed to be strangely lifeless, almost as if he was dead.

"Ben! I've killed you!"

"I'm not dead, you idiot!" Ben died as Luke accidently impaled him with a light saber.

"Ben! I've killed you again! No!"

**Please review!**


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